Observations
We feel the bite of this ego of self-love when we perceive
we are being rejected by another person (note, this is only one of the many ways
in which we feel the bite of self-love). Usually that other person is someone
whom we may love or respect a lot or expect a lot from.
Here below are some of the thoughts and emotions that we
experience when that aspect of the ego of self-love manifests in us.
Trigger
The aspect of self-love that feels hurt when others reject
us is triggered when we notice a pulling back of the expression of the usual
love that the other person gives us. Also when we notice or feel a certain coldness
from the other person towards us, when we feel that there is a gap, and we
perceive that the other person has taken the decision to pull back or away from
us.
What Hurts Self-Love the Most
This perception of the other person’s decision is what gets
the ego the most. The ego believes that the person has broken the right to pull
back their love that we identified with the ego believe or think they must give
us. We actually or this ego has people in a love slave contract.
Injured Pride
Our Pride is hurt and it gets angry saying that we can not
accept that the other person wants their freedom. Pride can not accept that
they override our authority and that they break free from our control or dominion.
With the ego of self-love we have others as prisoners to the
expectation that they have to give us love and our pride holds that in place. Self-love
says: “Who are they to not give us that love, that high esteem and that high
respect and that continued love?”. We believe with our Pride that we are worthy
and deserving and we are better and so they have to always give us that love.
That is the crux of the matter, that we believe ourselves to always be better,
higher and always worthy of the other person’s love and because of that we can
not stand that they lower their love, we think that that they have no right to
do it.
When Rejection is Abrupt
When we are rejected brutally or abruptly, self-love thinks they
don’t have the right to do it so brutally, so abruptly. Self-love sees it is
like it is an attack to our pride, forcing us to be lowered, it is like saying
that we are really low and useless.
Reaction After Rejection
After being rejected we develop a way of acting to avoid the
person so as not to get rejected again. But that is not the solution. The
solution is not to come on too heavy with the person, be normal or a bit more
distant than usual, and work hard yourself.
We Feel that we are Lowered
We often feel that we are humiliated or lowered in some way.
The key resides in understanding that we are not lowered. The key point to
understand is that we are not lowered by being rejected, but that the other person
has allowed him or herself to be lowered by an ego (selfishness, fear,
resentment, self-love, jealousy etc.), that in turn rejects us.
Is that true that we are lowered? It seems as though we are
humiliated (pride is affected), but are we? It feels that we are stupid, our
kindness thrown back into our face, our vulnerability taken advantage of, or
our vulnerability, our openness is not understood and that gift that we give of
our self is thrown back to us.
We should not believe that what we are giving is tender and
nice, we believe we are exposed and, that we are giving the best of ourselves,
and that is the point where we get angry. Because when we believe we are giving
the best of our self and it is rejected we naturally get angry because we see
that something beautiful, pure, soft, friendly and good is being trampled on
and destroyed, so in the face of that injustice we get angry to correct the or
rectify the situation.
Not Feel Lowered
To not feel lowered we have to see that we are the same, the
mistake we made that upset the person, was only relative and it may not have
been a mistake it could have been a very kind and right to thing to do, but it
was rejected. Overall, did we make a mistake? In the big picture of things did
we really make a mistake?
The feeling of being humiliated, is what we can’t stand, we
think we are less, in the dark, down, unliked, something bad, anything that
comes from us is terrible, that is not true, that is the arrogance of the
people that reject us.
People are Free
People are free to love or reject us. Set the person free,
we are fine, unaffected, not altered by their decision, we are not hurt,
because we don’t have any expectations, any investment, we are not deriving our
self-worth or self-value from their opinion or degree of love for us.
Common Reaction
Our common reaction is to want to leave, we say “you don’t
like me, me being around hurts you, then I should just leave!”. This reaction
is really rash and is an overreaction. The best thing that we can do is to wait
for this impulse to pass. If don’t feel lowered or humiliated we won’t have
this type of reaction. We need to have trust in the person in that we trust
their love and that it will come back to us. We need trust in love.
Conclusion
The big point to take from this post is that when we are
rejected we have to understand that we are not lowered, there is nothing wrong
with us. We are an essence just as beautiful and wise and full of potential and
possibilities as are the others. Don’t feel abandoned because when we are
rejected we are sent to ourselves and our Being. And the Being does not reject
us, He can’t because He is us and we are Him. Others when they reject us they
are rejecting themselves, because it is their thoughts that they reject. It is
not something personal. We are born by ourselves and we will die by ourselves
and we live by virtue of principally ourselves and not by others. But we do
live in another way due to the labours of others. The last point to always keep
strongly in mind is the be tranquil and wait for the love to return, if not it is
not a love worth fighting for.
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